Birds are great, right? They make wonderful music, their colors are beautiful, and they add a sense of nature to whatever area they are in. Yes, birds are fantastic – unless they decide to build their nest in your home!
One man knows this struggle better than anyone. He saw a few birds hiding from the cold one night and thought nothing of it, and he has been battling these birds ever since. His fight has lasted for four years, and we still don’t know if it is over.
“So we bought a new house,” shared Imgur user atomicrabbit2. Everything seemed perfect at first, which is normal when it comes to moving into a new home. It didn’t take long, however, before the homeowner realized this wasn’t a total utopia.
“This house has a nice gas fireplace and the exhaust was tucked neatly away from the backdoor,” he explained. “The problem was, the little nook appeared to be a perfect place for birds to nest because of the protection of the roof and heat from the fireplace.”
Before the man knew it, some birds had moved in with him. The year was 2014, and this homeowner’s world was about to change. “The first time I noticed the little guys, they caught me off guard, but thought nothing of it.” The birds frightened easily, and they would instantly fly away whenever the door opened. It really spooked the man, whose patience was wearing thin.
“At first I ignored it, but they started shitting and building a nest INSIDE the exhaust.”
That was it, the beginning of the end. Keeping warm was one thing, but the rest? This meant war.
The next spring, the man wrapped the exhaust in chicken wire, hoping to ward off the annoying birds. “I was proud of the tidy, little wrap I did, patted myself on the back and figured that was it,” the man recalled. It definitely was not.
Within just two months the birds had found a patch of exhaust untouched by the chicken wire and built their entire home there. They were comfy and cozy while the man was left to curse his uninvited guests. In pure rage, he cleared the nest away the instant he saw it – but it still wasn’t good enough.
The next day the bird came back to see his nest destroyed. He left for the rest of the season, but the migration was only temporary. By the following spring, the man realized he was caught up in a losing battle.
“Okay this is getting annoying,” he said of May 2016. “So I added bird spikes on top which I figured would keep them out for good. NOPE. They came back with a vengeance. It not only didn’t keep them away, but the spikes seemed to stabilize their nest.”
The birds had built their home from colored twine. The man trashed the whole thing, but they just came back again with more. “They must have had a stock pile somewhere,” the irritated man surmised.
By June the fight was really on. “HA! You want to f*ck with me? Fine… MORE BIRD SPIKES, B*TCHES!” And yet, the birds won again.
In May of 2017, the birds were back for more. When July came the man wrapped up the whole opening, all the way to the roof, desperately hoping it would send these squatters on their way.
“May 2018: what the absolute f*ck??!”
The man wondered when he saw that the birds had built a home INSIDE the completely surrounded area. “So apparently, I left a small opening on the right side. Those birds were flying up into their now high-end GATED F*CKING COMMUNITY!”
Next, the homeowner tried a different tactic. He introduced a wooden owl to the area, which he affectionately called Dr. Who. He placed the owl right under the exhaust, and it successfully scared the birds away. Still, the man doubted that he could finally claim victory.
He closed up that last little gap in chicken wire. This had been a long battle, and he was reluctant to believe that he had actually won.
“[The birds] gave me a run for my money and it’s not pretty, but after 4 years, lots of bird shit and 6 iterations, I think this will be the final one. If I see them back next year, I may just give in and try to charge them rent.”
This man’s bird battle was absolutely hilarious. If you’ve ever been in that position, you know just how he feels. May his valiant efforts provide guidance to all of us who struggle against showers of bird droppings.
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Source: BoredPanda
