Kids are cute. Until they turn two and start throwing tantrums…FOR NO GOOD REASON! Then all you can do is watch and let them play out their drama on the floor.
Sometimes as a parent it can feel like you’re the only one whose kid is having a weird meltdown. So, in a show of solidarity, parents everywhere have taken to social media to share all the ridiculous ways their kids are expressing toddler angst. And all the #ReasonsMyKidIsCrying are totally hilarious!
From not being able to reach the blanket they’re lying on top of, to bananas that have broken in half, here’s a list of 75 kids who think their parents are totally ruining their lives because they aren’t getting their way.
1) “I told her ‘No more of Mommy’s makeup.'”
There will be plenty of time for this messy morning-after makeup look when she’s older. Any woman who has ever woken up after a late night of partying can attest to that!
2) “We didn’t let her go outside without pants and shoes on.”
Like the signs always say, “no shirt, no shoes, no service!” But they always forget to mention the pants. That’s the most important part.
3) “He offered me a bite of his pretzel, and I took it.”
Maybe he wasn’t actually offering you his pretzel. Or maybe you took too big of a bite. With toddlers, you just never know!
4) “Because he can’t watch Daddy poop.”
Well, now is a good time as any for him to learn that poop-watching isn’t actually a thing. Or at least, it’s not a very polite thing.
5) “I wouldn’t let him dip his toothbrush into my wine glass.”
Good call. You don’t want him to get into the habit of dipping his toothbrush into wet things. Next thing you know, it’ll be the dog or toilet bowl!
6) “Because the people on the plane in the sky wouldn’t wave back at her.”
Sorry kiddo, but they won’t even wave to you when you’re actually on the plane either. That’s just how life rolls.
7) “Daddy tried to read her a book. She wanted Mama to read it. The book is Just Me & My Dad…”
At least Dad isn’t getting too upset about his daughter giving him a thumbs down. He’s probably thinking about all the Netflix shows he can catch up on in the meantime!
@Fran Thomas:
“I bet the mum bought that book so that she didn’t have to be the one reading every time.”
8) “I asked her to walk to the top of the driveway instead of carrying her.”
Water, I need water! It’s just too far, I can’t make it to the end. You go on without me. I’ll just lay here and keep dehydrating myself with all my temper tantrum tears.
9) Because I wouldn’t let her grab the dog by the penis.”
The birds and the bees are one thing. But, this poor mom probably never imagined she’d be having that “you can’t grab a dog’s weenie whenever you want” talk so soon.
10) “Because I wont let him dip his fingers in my hot coffee.”
Smart move. He could have been picking boogers out of his nose just seconds before. You don’t want those grubby little fingers messing up a perfect cup of morning thunderbolt!
11) “Her pull-behind dog keeps following her when she pulls it.”
Our adult minds might think that she’s learning about stalker behavior way too soon. But, it could be something less nefarious, like this explanation from @Jenny Magidson:
“Well, really. No one likes a predictable pull-toy.”
12) “He doesn’t want to stand up and he doesn’t want to lie down.”
Maybe it’s time for a playful compromise. How does he feel about sitting up and baking like a lap dog?
13) “He realized his caramel apple has an apple in it.”
I’m with him on this one. Someone ruined an otherwise perfectly good-sized ball of caramel, marshmallows and chocolate with that stupid apple in the center.
14) “I wouldn’t let him eat the pregnancy test I was taking.”
Better watch out for this little one. When he gets older, he might try to eat his own homework, too.
15) “The ‘Best Dad’ wouldn’t let her eat the remote control.”
She should be glad that the “Best Dad” wouldn’t let her snack on the remote. If she had managed to eat it, he’d be trying to push all her funny bones! Oh wait, dads will still do that anyways.
16) “There was frosting on both sides of her Oreo.”
That’s a totally legit disaster! My OCD side get pissed off when all the frosting doesn’t all end up on the same side, too.
17) “She farted and got a fright.”
It’ll pass. Before long, she’ll be letting out those “silent but deadly” farts in the elevator, and everyone will blame the poor guy in the corner for her smelly mess.
18) “I won’t let her drink hot sauce for bedtime snack.”
As the saying goes, experience is the best teacher. But, if you want to stop her habit cold turkey, put a little drop on her tongue. She’ll never have a hissy fit over fireball hot sauces ever again.
19) “Told her she’s too young to start her own YouTube Channel…. Worst! Mom! Ever!”
It might be time to reconsider that whole social media business. Have you seen how much Kylie Jenner makes? Can you say, buh-buh-billionairess?
20) “We gave her cake on her birthday.”
That’s some over the top parenting skills you’ve got there! What next? Candy for Halloween? Cookies for Christmas? Money for teeth?
Okay, that last one kind of reeks of organ trafficking. Maybe you should stop being so sweet about all the sweets before your kid catches on to you.
21) “His fruit snacks are gone. He ate them.”
Looks like he’s still trying to eat them. Better tell him to put away those fingers before he gets any funny ideas about how squishy and gummy-like they are!
22) “Because her sister didn’t have to poop at the same time she did, and she wanted to poop together.”
She’s just getting an early start on that girls going to the bathroom as a herd thing. The pooping together part will pass, and she’ll just do it for the gossip and makeup chats.
@kiwkrystal9:
“Your ‘why my child is crying’ posts are always my favorite!! They are so cute but at the same time my birth control.”
23) “Dad went to the bathroom. Alone.”
On the flip side, boys are supposed to keep to themselves in the bathroom. Peeking in on your buddies while they’re in the bathroom is not cool. That’s the sort of stuff that will land this kiddo a nosebleed in school.
24) “I wouldn’t let her eat the dog’s tail.”
Parents can be so cruel. First they won’t let you eat the dog’s tail, then they won’t let you eat the dog turd. Next thing you know, they’ll make you eat vegetables!
25) “Kids decided to go sledding yesterday in the snow storm. Then came home upset they were soaking wet. And no I didn’t send them off sledding unsupervised. I sent them with their father. Much worse.”
All she needs is a fisherman’s hat. Then she’ll look like a true salt of the sea kind of sailor!
@Randy Inbred:
“This is a long term dad plan. Next time they won’t want to go sledding and dad can WATCH TV!!!”
26) “I wouldn’t let him unload the knives from the dishwasher.”
Good call. It’s much safer to let him play with the car keys on the floor. He can’t accidentally take off with the car, but he can accidentally poke himself with a knife!
27) “I won’t let her chew on the tampon she found in my purse.”
Best to nip that tampon chewing habit in the bud right now. What if she were to become a smoker, and accidentally reached for her tampon by mistake? Oh the ridicule of lighting up a little cotton whale with a tail!
28) “I’m an a**hole parent because you have to take your socks and clothes off in order to go swimming…”
Maybe she’s mad because you dressed her up like a watermelon slice and laid her onto the backdrop of a 1980’s music video. Or it could just be the whole clothes and socks thing.
29) “Cohen cried and fussed for a solid 20 minutes because he NEEDED the pink bus. 2 minutes later he is EPICALLY melting down because ‘I don’t like pink’. “
Wait until he grows up and discovers the wonders of public transportation. The color of the bus will be the last thing he starts crying about!
30) “My shoes don’t fit her.”
I don’t blame her. I throw a fit when they don’t have my size at Macy’s. The struggle to be a girly girl in a not-my-size world is very real!
31) “Her blanket is too far away. Yes, the blanket she is lying on.”
Such a silly little girl. Adulting will make her long for the days when the distance to her blanket was her biggest worry in life.
@labdeal:
“If only we could go back to such simple dilemmas.”
32) “I wouldn’t let him eat my ‘I voted’ sticker.”
He just wants to take a bit out of politics. I bet right about now some people are wishing they could have swallowed their votes, too.
33) “I won’t let him eat the bathroom garbage.”
Well, if he saves you from having to take out the trash, and he really wants to… I’m just saying that no one has to know but you.
34) “Only Daddy can read the Japanese book.”
Do you want to know why this is even more hilarious? This is the Japanese version of the book “Reasons My Kid Is Crying.”
35) “Socks and shoes time is dramatic around these parts.”
Ever wonder why you sometimes see a lonely shoe on the side of the road? Well, the mystery has now been solved.
@Kristin Latta:
“Yeah mine hates to put shoes on.. We’ve lost a few pairs because she threw them out the window of the moving car.”
36) “Her banana broke and so she had a breakdown too.”
There’s an easy fix for that. Get this kiddo some ice cream, whipped topping, and a cherry to go on top, pronto!
@Fred Burrows:
“My banana broke the other day and 3/4 of it fell to the ground and was promptly run over by my tractor tire. It looked like a waffle. I may have cried a little too.”
37) “When mean ol’ Mom won’t let you open the hot oven door, throw a tantrum in the pantry. Obviously.”
This is the part where you just throw up your hands and just let her have her silly little “pantrum.” Also, while she’s in there, maybe she can grab a bottle of Vitamin Water for you!
38) “Because she hates Walmart as much as I do.”
We all feel this poor little girl’s pain. Be a good mom and take her to Target, which is what you should have done in the first place.
39) “She got up, and then she couldn’t get down.”
In 70 years the reverse will be true. She’ll fall down and won’t be able to get back up, and will be crying over that, too. Funny how the cycle of life works.
40) “He’s crying bc he wants to be this tall.”
It’s a real problem that we all had to face! When you’re a kid, you want to be “this” tall so you can go on all the fun Disney rides.
41) “We were singing happy birthday to her brother.”
At least her brother has a sense of humor about it! In fact, he looks a little bit too pleased about the hilarious birthday party entertainment.
42) “He asked to watch Toy Story. I put in Toy Story.”
Which Toy Story did he want? There’s 1, 2, 3, 4, or even all of the above at once! Ugh, it’s so hard trying to read a child’s mind.
43) “The fly that she let in the house landed on her plate.”
To be fair, it looks like it did more than just land on her plate. It’s swimming in a pool of ketchup! Now her hot dog dip is totally ruined.
44) “I wouldn’t let him eat the toilet brush.”
He’s just trying to brush his teeth on his own. But, I think he may have already started munching on it before you caught him!
45) “When your toddler is having a #meltdown in the #biergarten because no one will give her a beer!”
Replace “toddler” with “boyfriend” or “husband” and oddly enough, you have the same exact scenario! Grown-up toddlers will have a meltdown if you don’t give them the adult version of milk, too.
46) “He didn’t want to have fun.”
I’m with you on this one, little buddy. It’s no fun when your skates are too tight, your face is stuck behind bars, and it’s too cold to even fake a smile.
@Jessica Temple:
“My son did this because he didn’t want to have to use the walker to learn he was devastated ice skating didn’t come naturally to him.”
47) “I won’t hold his foot while he eats lunch.”
So, is it like holding hands, but with feet? Hopefully he’ll grow out of this mac & cheese foot fetish, or he may never get past his 50 first dates.
48) “She wants a butterfly, and I can’t deliver.”
Moments like these can make you think that you’ve fallen from the mom pedestal. But, it’s never too late to go back to school and learn how to be a butterfly catcher!
49) “I asked her to stop putting her hand in the toilet.”
Nothing fishy about that sort of behavior! She’s just practicing for when she’s older and her iPhone falls into the toilet bowl.
50) “Because she wants a cracker. Note: she has a cracker.”
She needs a cracker for the other hand! But, then she’ll just be back and square one.
According to mom:
“If I give her two crackers, she eats one and feeds the other one to the dog.”
51) “He doesn’t want an apple. Nobody offered him one.”
He can see into the future. In that future, everyone else is an Apple-hater, too.
52) “I ate my hair…. will it come out?”
Yes, it’ll come out. Just don’t look, or you’ll never want to eat your hair again.
53) “Someone was not happy that his “coffee” was just milk.
Aww, this poor little man isn’t crying over spilled milk. Like every other sleepy-eyed person out there, he’s upset about not getting his caffeine fix!
@Alia G:
“When I was little I used to ask for coffee and my folks would give me chocolate milk, was really disappointed when i tasted real coffee.”
54) “I didn’t let my daughter pick up a dispensary bag, possibly containing weed.”
I’m pretty sure you’ll get the same reaction from adults too. It’s like trying to stop a chain smoker from picking up a used cigarette off the ground. Discarded weed bags are just too tempting to ignore.
55) “He wanted to put dirt in my hair…I politely declined….he is heart broken.”
Awww, what kind of dad doesn’t want to play in the dirt with his son? Just pretend it’s dry shampoo and ignore the worms. You’ll be fine, promise!
56) “He’s “stuck” under the kitchen table.”
This is what tall people feel like every time they stand up. At least this little cutie has matching striped jammies to go along with his self-imposed jail time.
@Bettye McKee:
“When this happens to truckers, they let the air out of the tires.”
57) “He ate ALL of the blueberries.”
This is actually a real problem in every home. It seems like there’s never enough juicy sweet blueberries to go around!
58) “She only has 5 ponytails and wants more.”
You may think 5 or 10 is enough, but not from a little girl’s point of view. This is why you should keep a drawer well-stocked with ponytail bands!
59) “I wouldn’t let her choke herself with a spoon. Again.”
Aww, poor baby. Getting choked with a spoon is no fun! Good thing mom was there to stop her from putting the spoon down too far.
60) “All because I said she looked pretty.”
If you don’t tell them they look pretty, they’ll grow up thinking they’re ugly ducklings. If you tell them they look pretty, they’ll grow up thinking that looks mean everything. It’s a catch 42!
@alexbunnie:
“How dare you. Also… be careful— some progressive mommy might condemn you for calling her pretty, instead of strong, resilient, capable, or smart.”
61) “I won’t eat a piece of pizza crust that she already chewed on.”
Sharing is caring, but this level of sharing?I guess it’s good if you’re 100 and have no teeth.
62) “I turned the water on for his bath.”
Enjoy it while you can, little man. Do you know how many stressed-out adults would give anything to relax in a nice hot bubble bath?
63) “I asked him to pick up the towel he threw on the floor.”
He’s a super charged drama king! Pick up the dirty towel you say? That’s so beneath him!
@BusLady:
“What do you expect, he’s a guy.”
@Amy Pfluecke:
“Yeah I’m thinking this problem will never get resolved.”
64) “Because I peeled the sticker off of a melon.”
Wait, you mean to say that you actually had a free sticker in your hand and didn’t offer it to her? How rude!
He must not be one of those mama’s boy. I guess the only real solution to this problem is to go get Daddy.
“No but once a week I walk in to get him up and he screams No!!!! DADDY!!!!! and loses his mind. I have to wrestle him while he’s screaming bloody murder in my ear if we ever want to leave the room!”
66) “I wouldn’t let her eat her shoe.”
Maybe if you put some No Chew spray on her shoes, your little puppy-daughter will stop gnawing on them. Either that, or put a few drops of hot sauce on the soles so she doesn’t get accustomed to the taste of dank foot sweat.
67) “He can’t get into his sister’s toy Barbie jeep.”
Maybe he wants to grow up to be a contortionist. I think jamming one foot into Barbie’s Jeep counts as a good starting point.
68) “The Oreo pack he pulled out of the trash can is empty.”
Sorry, little man. Mom already beat you to it! Maybe next time if you’re lucky you can catch a few random crumbs.
@Jessica Temple:
“Oh man buddy, that is some real emotional pain you’ve dug yourself into.”
69) “He’s crying because he’s stuck in his brother’s underwear.”
Now, that right there is a legit problem. I would cry too if my head was stuck in someone else’s underwear! At least he has a breathing hole to help him survive this travesty.
70) “She can’t reach the tissues.”
That’s how it all starts. But, that trick only works the first couple of times before you finally learn to say no! Then she’ll REALLY be needing those tissues when she starts bawling and doesn’t get her way!
71) “Captain Kirk’s feet won’t fit in the container sideways.”
Well, that’s a new one. Captain Kirk’s feet have now gone where no man’s feet have gone before! It ought to make for an interesting Star Trek episode.
72) “He finished the milk in his sippy cup, apparently this is catastrophic.”
Your baby is showing you exactly how upset he is about the whole sippy cup fiasco. He’s “THIS” mad at you!
73) “Because we can’t leave the refrigerator door open while he rearranges the condiments.”
Let’s forget his strange predilection for rearranging condiments for a moment. I think we’re all jealous and in awe of his uber flexibility skills!
“No lie, he laid in the exact position crying for 20 minutes.”
74) “Her noodles were shaped like stars instead of Elsa.”
Oh Mom, how inconsiderate of you! But this little sweet pea looks so adorable even when she’s trying to “let it go.”
@suzannesagester:
“Oh, what a pitiful face…I’d be going everywhere trying to find Elsa pasta!
75) “I wouldn’t let him eat his shoe.”
Uh uh, mom better watch out for this little big guy. He’s giving off that “I’m so done with you” pissed off vibe!
“He started throwing his head back & screaming. Got me looking around like who’s kid is this?? Lol.”
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