There’s nothing worse than getting a text from a douchebag and not knowing exactly how to respond. We understand the struggle, really, but don’t hit the panic button quite yet. Luckily, you are not alone. Many people before you have also been in similar situations.
Read through these 50 awesome ways to respond to a text from a giant douchebag and learn from the best.
Some of the strategies of how to respond are hilarious, others are serious, and some are downright random. The one unifying factor, however, is that they are all guaranteed to take care of your douchebag problem pretty much instantly. While crafting the perfect response isn’t always easy, these simple strategies will give you a good idea of the best course of action for your unique situation.
1. Think it over for a while
When someone sends you a confusing text, sometimes the best course of action is to wait 2 years and think it over first. You only get one chance to respond so you don’t want to mess it up. Then, of course, make sure to ask the important questions.
2. Ask for specifics
A lot of times you just need more details. Don’t be afraid to ask for specifics to get the clarification you need. This woman’s responses in this text exchange are a great example.
3. Send some revealing photos
It could be that the best response for your situation is not a text at all but actually a picture response. It’s pretty common that someone will ask for some revealing photos. Instead of saying no and blocking them, you can always consider just complying. This girl did it best.
4. The empowered response
Why so quick to get sexual? Instead of letting things heat up naturally, some people just can’t resist trying to take the conversation to the next level immediately. This woman’s empowered response, however, is pretty epic.
5. Be direct
This woman’s ex decided to text her out of the blue. We all know how stressful that can be, but always remember, there is a reason that chapter of your life is now closed. It’s best to just be direct about where your current interest level lies.
6. Evade the question
If someone asks you something and you don’t feel like answering, one proven strategy is to just evade the question entirely. One woman found a great way of doing this. She just asked the same question back.
7. Take the compliment
A lot of times the conversation starts off well, and if someone compliments you, it’s best to just casually say thank you and accept it. However, if things start to go south, as they often do, you know what to do… Straight to radio silence.
8. Be vague about your schedule
This woman doesn’t really like her ex very much as you can tell by the name she has for him at the top of the chat. When he contacted her to make plans recently, she had a great response. “I’m busy, like forever.”
9. Use a Netflix reference
Ratings are for movies, not for normal conversations. That’s why when someone asks you to use a rating scale to describe something over text message, there is only one real way to respond. Send them a gif from Stranger Things.
10. Share your diversity
This guy has no clue. If you are going to be kind of offensive, at least try to get your words right. The girl was definitely not afraid to call him out in her response though.
11. Show your enthusiasm
This girl received the classic shirt off douchebag text, but luckily she knew exactly what to do. She decided to show him exactly how impressed she was. Her answer back is pretty hilarious.
12. Have a deep conversation
Steering a text exchange towards deep and meaningful topics is a great way to salvage a bad conversation. Talk about the important things, share your innermost feelings, and learn more about a person. Of course, sometimes your partner doesn’t really give you much to work with.
13. Respond with a flattering image
Curious about how to handle a creepy pm? This woman has a great solution. Simply send the person the best photo of yourself that you can find.
14. Tell them what you really want
When things are heating up fast in a text exchange and you need to slow it down, one the best ways to respond is to tell them what you really want. Whatever random thing pops into your head first will work. Something like, lasagna, maybe?
15. The silent treatment
We often forget we don’t have to respond at all, and in many situations, no response is often the best response. Especially when someone makes a request as crazy as this guy’s. What a weird dude!
16. Pretend the number has been disconnected
There are a lot of creative ways to go about using this strategy. Believable and authentic is when you say, “Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.” Other methods are slightly more comical, such as the response used by the woman in this conversation.
17. Talk about your favorite restaurants
When in doubt, assume the person you are chatting with is referring to food. Food is a safe subject. There’s nothing sexual about food.
18. Help in any way you can
If someone is in need of help, it’s generally best to lend a hand in any way you can. That’s what happened in the following conversation. A guy asked for assistance with his archaeological find, and the friendly girl actually gave him some pretty good advice.
19. Use Reverse Psychology
This woman found a pretty amazing way to flip the script. “Sure, I’ll send you a sexy pic”, she thought to herself, “hope you like it!” The hopeful man was less than impressed.
20. Have some fun with wordplay
Texting should be fun, and part of that is being creative with your responses. When one man asked a girl a question about the color of her undergarments, she simply decided to invent one. “Sugcon,” she said. Don’t worry, you’ll understand soon.
21. Share what you truly desire
Don’t be afraid to tell the other person what you really desire, no matter how random or strange. Let yourself be a little vulnerable. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants.
22. Be their dad
Nothing will embarrass a guy more than telling him you’re his dad. Especially if he sends you something sexual like in the following conversation. Even if he doesn’t believe you, at the very least you’ll leave him totally confused and wondering what the heck is going on.
23. Games are cool
Playing text games can be fun. Other times, it’s super lame. Really, it mostly depends on the person you’re chatting with. Once you read this text exchange, you’ll see what we mean.
24. Use your imagination
Imaginative responses are a good way to take a boring conversation and make things a little more interesting. This girl is definitely a pro at it. Check out what she had to say about this guy’s fingers.
25. Do some role-playing
Before you go straight to nudes, it’s best to get to know each other a little first. Doing some role-playing is a great technique for this, allowing you both to get out of your comfort zones and have fun. It’s also a good way to express what you’re really thinking.
26. Change your mind
Giving truthful and straightforward answers is always a good honest strategy. However, if things happen to take a turn for the worst, remember, it’s a-okay to change your mind. Just like this girl, who quickly learned that her original response might have been a mistake.
27. Block them
Every once and a while, a real weirdo comes along. In a situation like the following, it’s totally acceptable to just completely ignore them. The block button is there for a reason!
28. The gross-out
What’s up with guys asking the color of undergarments? One way to respond is simply the gross-out move. Make sure to be as detailed and descriptive as possible.
29. Quote song lyrics
Does something in the conversation remind you of a song you know? Feel free to quote it. It’s so much easier than creating your own response. Singers just have a way with words that is so eloquent and perfect.
30. Call them out on their BS
There are so many ways to screw up with modern technology, especially if you are trying to hide something. One guy learned that lesson the hard way when a girl he was seeing caught him in an obvious lie. She instantly called him out.
31. Be sassy
Does this bro really think this is a good pickup line, casually tossing out an insult in his introduction? Luckily, the sassy woman in this conversation dishes out the insults just as good as she takes them. Let’s just call this what it is — a win for the girls’ side.
32. Incorporate condiments into the discussion
Typically, you probably don’t want to be the first person to bring up condiments as a discussion topic, but once the subject has already been breached, you might as well just go with the flow, just like the witty woman in this conversation did. She took a guy’s food-inspired racial reference and turned it back around in a pretty hilarious fashion.
33. Make fun of their bad spelling
We don’t know if this one is a result of poor English, an autocorrect error, or simply just lazy texting. However, it’s pretty funny. If this ever happens to you, a good strategy to follow is to just make your own spelling mistake joke back.
34. Terrify them
Unfortunately, any woman who has been online dating for a while knows that eventually, you will probably get an unsolicited dick pic. One woman had a great response. The image she sent back is one that is sure to put the fear of God into any man. It’s likely he’ll think twice about casually sending a picture of his unit out like that again.
35. Reveal their double standards
It’s 2019, and there is no room for double standards anymore in the dating arena. Any guy who sends something vulgar out will soon find out that girls are just as good at playing that game. Always practice texting equality or something like that…
36. Deny them
No second chances. That is that golden rule. Whenever a douchebag ex texts you, the simple solution is to just deny them. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to use a little humor to help cushion the blow as well.
37. Get your pun on
When online dating, every awkward text you receive is another opportunity to work on your puns. At least that’s one way to look at it. Being able to craft a good pun is a talent that must be consistently practiced in order to maintain the ability.
38. Get straight to the point
There is no use in wasting time in long text conversations when you already know you’re not interested. It’s better to just be direct about it and get straight to the point. Even more so when it’s a message from an ex.